So, my computer was taken out for 2 days. Umm, i was left in the Sahara desert. LOL. I was like walking in my room, checking old memories and stuff.. and i was sitting at my table pretending that the monitor was in front of me. Uggh, i hope it doesn't happen again though.

Just as i said that i was turning into a healthy lifestyle. Maybe it's still not the time. I'm stil having downs which dampened my spirit of recovering from all the stupid stuff last year. *Sigh, i'm turning back to how i used to be. LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

Things are.. rather bad right now. I don't know.. Maybe my dad's just worried of our results and stuff. But he shouldn't have did it to me. It not only hurt me, but my heart and soul. You know, i'm grown up, and after what my dad did to me, i feel so remorseful for making him angry and stuff. BUT, he really shouldn't have done that to me. It tore my heart apart. My dad wasn't this agressive when i was younger. But now, he has found ways to sort of "punish" us.

Eleanor actually asked me to reoprt to the police. Like come on', your own dad. It hurts too kay. :)

But things have to move on, furthermore, common tests are up this week and i need to concentrate on my work. Nevertheless, i must think of ways to improve myself yeah? I'm so sorry for the boring posts that i'm going to talk about. it's all about my life. I wanna tell the world and just pour my feelings out. So, don't bother reading. Cos' this was supposed to be my diary, and many of my friends already know about this blog. So, yeah. I'm planning to keep some personal stuffs to myself.

BUT, i promise, i won't give this blog up! Anyways, stay here okay? At least i know there's people around me who cares. :)

Anyways, i'm going to put lyrics of Eminem's song, cleanin out my closet. I just love that song. :) I used to hate him, but i finally found respect in him. Peace with the words. LOL.

Lyrics from http://lyrics.astraweb.com/

Where's my snare, I have no snare in my headphones, there ya' go, yeah, yo', yo'...

Have you ever been hated or discriminated against, I have, i've been protested and demonstrated
against, picket signs for my wicked rhymes, look at the times, sick is the mind of the
motherfuckin' kid that's behind, all this commotion, emotions run deep as ocean's explodin',
tempers flaring from parents, just blow 'em off and keep goin', not takin' nothin' from no one,
give 'em hell long as i'm breathin', keep kickin' ass in the mornin', an' takin' names in the
evening, leave 'em with a taste as sour as vinegar in they mouth, see they can trigger me but
they'll never figure me out, look at me now, I bet ya' probably sick of me now, ain't you mama,
i'ma make you look so ridiculous now...

[CHORUS]

I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm
cleanin' out my closet, {one more time}, I said i'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I
never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm cleanin' out my closet...

I got some skeletons in my closet and I don't know if no one knows it, so before they thrown me
inside my coffin and close it, i'ma expose it, i'll take you back to '73, before I ever had a
multi-platinum sellin' Cd, I was a baby, maybe I was just a couple of months, my faggot father
must have had his pantie's up in a bunch, cause he split, I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye,
no I don't on second thought, I just fuckin' wished he would die, I look at Hailie and I
couldn't picture leavin' her side, even if I hated Kim, I grit my teeth and I'd try, to make it
work with her at least for Hailie's sake, I maybe made some mistakes but i'm only human, but i'm
man enough to face them today, what I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb, but the smartest
shit I did was take them bullets out of that gun, cause id'a killed 'em, shit I would have shot
Kim and him both, it's my life, i'd like to welcome y'all to the Eminem show...

[CHORUS]

Now I would never diss my own mama just to get recognition, take a second to listen who you
think this record is dissin', but put yourself in my position, just try to envision witnessin'
your Mama poppin' prescription pills in the kitchen, bitchin' that someone's always goin'
through her purse and shits missin', going through public housing systems, victim of
Munchausen's syndrome, my whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't 'til I grew
up, now I blew up, it makes you sick to ya' stomach, doesn't it, wasn't it the reason you made
that Cd for me, ma, so you could try to justify the way you treated me, ma, but guess what, your
gettin' older now and it's cold when your lonely, and Nathan's growing up so quick, he's gonna
know that your phoney, and Hailie's getting so big now, you should see her, she's beautiful, but
you'll never see her, she won't even be at your funeral, see what hurts me the most is you won't
admit you was wrong, bitch, do your song, keep tellin' yourself that you was a mom, but how dare
you try to take what you didn't help me to get, you selfish bitch, I hope you fuckin' burn in
hell for this shit, remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me, well guess
what, I am dead, dead to you as can be...

[CHORUS]

mm, turned it into a very long post. But, take care ya'll.

<3 jersey8

, osn.

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