Mrs Chong didn't come again, so that means so far, we only had 1 PE lesson rather than 4! Everyone was down i guess. See, i shouldn't have been so excited cos' if you're really expecting something to happen, it might not in the end. Don't ask me why it's like that. So, Mr William came into our class for our CME period (i have no idea why) and gave us some sort of what you call a lecture. Pretty nice and neat though. Then, something caught me. That really brought me into what he was saying. Condemn. He told us that he was a high school dropout in American. And how he got to such a level where no dropout could ever reach because people gave dropouts like him another chance. A big big chance. He went through college and even got degrees for things that he never dreamt off. I think that was the most important part cos', he also mentioned that in Singapore, if you're a dropout, "Bye, bye." Agree? Look, people will start whispering and staring at you from top to toe. Look at you differently, you might not even end up like Mr William, a brilliant lecturer. You might end up sleeping on the streets, eating up scraps from restaurants. That one point made me think that Singapore is such a different country. Cos', this is a winning example, of how Singaporeans get so self-centered and narrow-minded. HEY! I'm not saying the otehrs, but maybe i'm like that. Don't talk about Singaporeans. ASIANS. It's in our blood? But just like the yellow ribbon campaign. Give criminals a second chance. So, why not dropouts? Right? They're not as bad as criminals even.

My brother's friend got kicked out of college cos' he wasn't doing well just in his FIRST YEAR. Luckily his dad had a company for him to take over though. I felt effing sad for him even though i don't know him well. I mean, it was just the first year, you've just started, just fitting in and stuff. And you get kicked in the butt like who-cares. As such, many of my brother's friends went to Australia to study. Even though Singapore schools have high standards, many choose the otherwise. Why? Because of this. Condemnation. It's hard to keep on it. It's tough i guess.

For the past few days, i was limited to only my mp3 player and my room. Confined? I still think my parents don't trust me and not proud of me. Do i have the right to say that maybe, they're just here for my brother and not me? Yea, maybe i'm jealous. I'm jealous for tons of stuff. My brother has a so much better life than me. I bet he hasn't cried for at least 3 years. Me? I cry myself to sleep everything, praying that everything would change for the better in the morning. Yes, you see me laugh and smile everyday in school. But my heart is torn inside, i'm corrupted. I'm not being maintained. Recently, i had some chest pains which may be due to the tears and lack of sleep. I've been sleeping in 2 in the morning, and it's like my bedtime already. I can't get the load off my mind. I feel that no matter what i do, it would never make my parents proud. NEVER. I don't feel home either. What is home when people don't trust you. Right? I started asking my mum do-you-love-me questions ever since i was 10. See, i've been insecure for a gruelling 5 years. And i might be able to withstand the torns anymore. To date, i've wrote maybe 20 poems on hardship, and stories of my life. Like i said before, i write all my painful memories at the end of the year, and keep it in a place that no one would find it. See how tough it is? I can't go a day without crying of tearing.

Brother's going to Taiwan for 3 weeks from this saturday. Would be quite a miss though. Don't wanna talk about it. Hmm, talking about dreams again, in my dream last night, Don, Eric, Darren, LiJing and Rena was in it. No idea what the story plot was, all jumbled up. WEIRD. Reader's Digest says that you only dream what you dream only cos' you want to. Hmm? Maybe i enjoy their company. MAYBE. :)

I need to do a History propaganda poster this time around. And again, HITLER; my hero. It's kindda ugly but who cares? At least i tried, even Ral (my NZ friend i met in nwn) couldn't draw anything like that. Anyways, you can check out his drawings, his ID is Mooky Mooks. So, do check it out yea? I do have an account but.. I don't do much there. Pretty much just viewing the wallpapers and photography. :D not porn la, those emo-types. Here's my Hitler drawing. SHUTTUP!

Cheerios!

, osn.

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