All that i did was for good and i didn't expect everything to turn against me. I really didn't do anything wrong. People are just starting to talk to me as if i were their servant, or someone who does not have a stature or a reputation. I may not have a reputation right now but at least respect me. How do i gain respect? Fight? Be polite? Whatever. I am what i am. I love myself very much for being able to withstand criticism and all the thorns in the bushes(hardship in obstacles) that i have been through. Maybe God is testing my patience. I don't know.

But from what i know, i really didn't do anything wrong. Just yesterday, my dad talked to me as if i was the servant of the house. Why must to treat me dfferently. In what way am i different to my brother that makes you treat me like that. Shouting at me instead of talking nicely. This morning, he shouted at me to wake me up for my morning prayers. After praying, i saw him on my computer table surfing. I turned my back against him and slept. I couldn't stand to look at a father who doesn't care much for his daughter. What wrong did i do? I definitely didn't throw any tantrums or raised my voice in front of you. Neither did disobey your instructions. Why must you treat me like that? Why?

The thoughts and chances of me leaving the house is quite open and so-called popular now in my mind. I really cannot stand these bulls***. I haev had enough of this. And my parents are really getting on my last nerve. You make me hate you every moment. Mummy, i know you brought me into this world. And remember the time i threw tantrums to you when i was 11! I cried in front of the whole shopping centre and you slapped me in front of them. I brought my swollen lips to school and was embarassed! Why in the first place i did throw those tantrums? You ask me why!

You took my comments on you dress that you wanted. But i didn't like it. You asked my cousin and she liked it. I was jealous. I admit! I was jealous that you went on with her agreement and bought the dress. Ain't a mother suppose to listen to her daughter instead of her niece? I was very jealous. But did you have to embarass me in front of everybody! I almost didn't want to get back on my aunt's car cos' i told her that you didn't love me! I was paranoid with these thoughts that have been going throgh my head.

Today, you ticked me off in front of my grandparents and told them that i IGNORED you when she woke me up. CAN YOU READ MY MIND. WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME THAT I REALLY COULDN'T HEAR YOU! i WOULD SWEAR BUT YOU TAUGHT US NOT TO SWEAR. God knows what i did and how i feel.

I've been feeling very miserable for the past few days. But i told myself again to be patient.

Being angry is like holding a hot coal and not letting it go, and hurting yourself.

That would make me feel better, but someday, when everyone is out of this house, i really need to get to my best friend and talk to him. I can't rely on anyone nowadays. Only God, Christopher and Don.

People, i'm out. I'm depressed. I need a counsellor desperately. I'm crying till my eyes cannot be seen anymore because the cut is too deep.

Take care.

<3 jersey 8

, osn.

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