How come i'm not as close to my dad's side? I'm bothered by that fact because i am proud of my mixed parentage. However, i don't spend as much time with my dad's side as compared to my mum's. The only time we meet is Chinese New Year, obviously. And it's only ONE DAY. One day out of 365 days in a year. It's not like they shun us for religious reasons, we're ok with each other but we don't meet up or have gatherings at all. Maybe it's inevitable that we will either be closer to one side of the family. But to this extent where we only meet once a year? It sounds so... sad? My mum said we used to have picnics when we were much younger (i don't remmeber any of that) but i don't know what happened as time went by. We just grew more distant. Maybe because we're all busy. Everyone's working and too busy to keep up with one another. I'm the youngest by the way.

I don't know what else to say. I don't feel like this will go anywhere but i just had to type this out. Just a realisation after such a long time. I just pray and hope that we won't grow anymore distant. Staying this way is better than ignoring that other parties exist. I don't want to not have a family over at my dad's side :/

Also, my mother was telling me of how family-oriented she is. I think i'm very alike to her in this. I feel lost without my family and my cousins. They are the reason why i am the person i am today. I see myself being introverted and reserved if i didn't have them. Look at where they have put me in now. We're not people who are rowdy in public. We're rowdy around each other and we dare to joke with each other. We're humorous and we're warm to everyone. Every problem can be resolved if we talk it through. Everyone is ready to forgive each other. (And i'm extremely thankful for that during the chalet.)

Putting that aside, i think my mum is a superwoman.

And because of that, my dream (apart from career) is to be a mother. One like her. Don't laugh at me. I'm quite old-fashioned. But i think a mother can do so much by just being one.

PS: Soon, i will start to shout and be really angry. Because i really cannot stand this anymore.

, osn.

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