People around me has changed tremendously. Things has changed for me as well. Everything is going haywire, and suddenly, i feel so useless. As if i cannot change my destiny anymore. Do you believe in fate? How bout' destiny?

Is life that precious anyways? I guess, it is so. There have been so many cases of kidnap, Mount Merapi in Indonesia, murder. It not only affect the internal family. But i guess, also the country. Remember Huang Na's case? There were so many Singaporeans arond the island, come together to mourn her death. I guess death really is a big impact on our lives. Even though it might not affect us. To me, i'm very afraid to lose someone. I have an 83+ grandpa, who has taken care of me since i was very young. My great grandpa loved both my brother and i, that he cried when our parents punished us.

Now, death leads to love. Maybe it holds a strong significance to us all. Like i said in previous posts, treasure the people you love before you lose them. I always say these, but i ponder over myself too. I use words, quotes and phrases to help people, but what use is it when i don't take it to myself? There are many things in my mind that i have given up solving, i'm giving up on myself. This is breaking me, i'm failing. I'm breaking down. I'm at the edge of the cliff, and if i don't pull myself back, i would not be able to make it.

But is this all part of growing up? How come my brother doesn't experience things this? Or maybe i just don't see it. I'm holding tight to the secrets in my heart. The door isn't open to my parents, or anyone. I've lost someone close to me, whom i can talk to. A friend. Even Chris is busy with his own stuff. I need a break, a long long break. This may be the end of me.

, osn.

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