Oh i feel so horrible tonight because my thoughts have been drifting far from what i need to do now (revise MacroEcons!) . Why is it so difficult to let go of something i already know won't happen in this lifetime? Why am i still waiting? Worst still, what am i waiting for? It's not as if the previous coincidences will repeat (no matter how i wish such good history will repeat itself)? I still feel ... horrible.

Today has been short and lecture was good. Thank God we had such a lecturer to discipline the class. I went off right after lecture and didn't tag along with the rest to get their books since i got mine yesterday. I was upset no one was joining me for lunch :( EVEN VIVA WHO ENDED SCHOOL AT 12 CHOSE TO SLEEP THAN EAT WITH ME AT LJS! I'm really going on the 'Anti-Viva Campaign' :P But it's okay, i know everyone's very tired at the moment. So, instead i went to the mall after school to get lunch for dad and myself. Bused back home alone and slept for a bit afterwards. Apart from my thoughts, we had a small family time together in my brother's room just now :P Yeah, i was slacking all the way, helping mum with her printing stuff and talked about education at the moment. What brother said, that God really helped us all through and through, really had something to prove that God is always watching over all of us. Many things we don't realise instantly and we take things for granted. I pondered over some things while travelling to school today. Don't you think that every thing we do is a blessing? Won't you agree that reaching your destination is by the grace of God? It's cliche, but true. "Everything happens because of God." Would you be at home now without God's permission and protection? Every little step we take is because we have the permission from God to perform our tasks, don't you think? This makes life look so precious and all, i still fail to understand why people would end their lives so easily. There were quite a number of people who committed suicide at the MRT tracks last year. And whenever i read these news, i keep asking myself,"But why?" Another point to ask WHY: God already said He will never give us a burden that we cannot handle. Period. So why are we 'running away from our problems' by submitting to suicide? Okay so, before i was thinking in such a way, i have to admit i found my hard times too difficult to take (and mind you, i didn't know of the promise God made to us all then), i thought of ways to end my life. Things that stopped me; 1) God would immediately send me to the hellfire, 2) It's not a really 'peaceful' way to die, for me....(haaahhaa.), 3) I'll only be listening to the devil. The verse really got me thinking and thinking, and i'm slowly trying to understand why i go through hard times.

Has anyone watched Evan Almighty? Okay, so it's an insult depicting God, but i watch it for leisure and all. But there was something that stuck to my head.

"When you pray for courage, does God give you courage? Or does He give you the opportunity to be courageous?"

How true. When i was 12, my teacher once told us this,"God helps people who helps themselves." So, i guess i'll leave it to that. Last but not least, learn to love and not to hate. Hatred is a poison, and so i've learnt. It only makes you miserable, not the person you hate -.-

I THOUGHT I WASN'T GOING TO BLOG ABOUT ANYTHING TODAY! But wow, i'm such a talkative person grandma. XD I'm not discriminating against the elderly okay. HAHA! In fact, i thought i wasn't going to type anything today, i prepared the lyrics of Mariah Carey's Last Kiss. I'm listening to Love Story now and gosh, i love the song so much. Honestly, her recent album, E=MC˛, is really good. I'd recommend it ;)

My favourite lines! :D

PS: I marked the dates on my organiser, wrote in my journal, still invision them in my head sometimes. This is crazy, I am crazy :(

PPS: I miss you guys so damn much, i can't help but shout it out everywhere (although i don't cos' then people will think i'm crazy, LOL)