Uninvited Guest no.2

It's the second time we had such a nice visitor at our window sill. It dropped by yesterday evening at the same spot the parrot did before! It was chirping so loudly, i had to stop my work on the computer to see what the commotion was all about, haha!

Yesterday turned out to be quite productive, considering the fact that i managed to edit the language for our report and really sit for at least 2.5 hours to organise the appendices and the report. By night, i was drafting out my International Business journal and almost got down to typing it out but i was too tired and sick of looking at the computer. Finished up my journal by this evening and boy am i proud of myself. I'm mentally wiped out and i just don't want to think tonight. As such, i took the liberty to check out some University admissions and got down to making decisions for myself. My brother did give me some ideas about half a year ago and i kindda leaned towards them. I am still making my own decisions but sometimes i still need someone to hold my hand and help me.

Anyway i made my decisions, had my brother check them and give me his opinions. I feel good that i finally got down to this despite the fact that i actually stressed myself out for 3 hours straight. Reading all the admission criterias, procedures, course information and whatnots. My hands are still cold from that experience and trust me when i say that i'm really scared of the future. I don't know what's ahead of me and i do trust God Almighty. But at the same time, i have to make the effort to strive, don't i? It's a little late for that but i'm praying that God will give me this chance. There are so many things in life that i want to do. I want to be a person who can bring change. Slowly but surely. Yet i haven't shown that i have that capacity and capabilities. Am i someone who's not good at anything at all?

Mum has been emphasising to me to 'not belittle yourself'. But a few incidents happened and it made me feel like i'm not up for anything at all. Like i don't belong anywhere because i'm not good enough. Has anyone encountered this? I hate feeling this way. I don't like being brought down, or have someone looking down on me OR thinking that i'm not good enough. Nobody likes to be someone who's not capable of doing anything!

Anyway, insyaAllah. I trust Him and i will do my best. I only have myself to blame.

PS: Care to pray for me? Hehe (:
PPS: Acceptance.

, osn.

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