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Time, I've been patient for so long
how can i pretend to be so strong?
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 Profile
OSN, 14061991Chinese/Malay, Muslim, RMIT (Bbus Mgt Finance Major) Year 2, TP Business - Banking & Finance (Graduate), B.I.G, TPVC. Loves God, family, friends, photography, videography, sports, music, movies - LOTR, Transformers, European history, Japanese & Korean culture, Julia Roberts, Whoopi Goldberg, huge KPop fan, books by Jodi Picoult, Stephenie Meyer & Khaled Hossen Tagboard
Exits
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30 June 2006, 10:59 pm
Rejection What's the feeling of being rejected? Especially by someone who you love and trying hard to attract his/her attention? Reading blogs, i've realised that i'm not the only one who's having problems. The whole world is. So, the thing is, why is it so hard to accept someone? I mean, you can't possibly find the right and perfect person in life. Because life is not perfect. And it's not ever going to be. Ah, perfection. IMPERFECTIONS. See, we always judge each other by the cover. Isn't it? Stop lying to yourself. Even i do. I admit, i do judge people by their physical appearences. In a way that might not be the accurate detail of him/her. But somehow, the special someone captures your heart. Just by a glance, not even a look, just a glance. It occur to me that, whenever he passes by, my heart would skip a beat. Whenever i'm with my gang, i always try to look out for him, although not forgetting how noisy i can get when i'm with them. It might somehow look inappropriate to act in such a way that, i'm NOT A GIRL. It's weird, hormones? Maybe i've inherited most of my mum's genes. My mum was a tomboy, but with extra long hair la. She always had male best friends(same), she always played with male friends. It's almost the same isn't it? I even find myself in a distance from make-up, jewelery(although i love necklaces), TIDYNESS, skirts! I barely have a skirt in my closet, and thinking about it, i ought to prepare myself for the real world. I can't be wearing jeans all my life. I'm a jeans person. Everywhere i go, JEANS and TEES. Is it weird that all my female cousins are wearing long skirts, dresses, dressing themselves up, dolling themselves up, while.. I don't even like to put on powder. Cos' it gives me the feeling that i have a fake layer over my face. Anyways, back to feeling rejected. I am almost at a lost. To where i'm supposed to stand in my mum's life. I have a constant fear that i will lose my mum some day soon. As in, she would be a mum to someone else. It's weird right? It gives me the chills, and never stops my tears from falling. Even though i'm starting to spend tons of time with my mother, i am at lost. Because whenever i think about negative thoughts, i start to be rebellious. I start to throw tantrums, and we would have frequent quarrels that may strain our relationship. In this situation, do i have the right to say that i'm jealous? I'm jealous of sharing my mum's love for someone else whom i show sympathy on? Am i supposed to let my mum off and let her continue to shower her love on someone else? Is it wrong to think that my grandma is pulling my mum away from me? I would admit, i am honest, cos' this is my blog, and i have the right to spill my feelings. That i am JEALOUS. I have to reason why, but everyday, i live in constant fear that i would be left alone in future. Dad would leave to live with my brother, mum would to. And me, what about me? As much as i want time to move quickly, i want time to stop. To stop at the happiest moments i spend with my family. Life is tough. |
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Keep holding on,
because you'll get there eventually. |
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