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Time, I've been patient for so long
how can i pretend to be so strong?
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 Profile
OSN, 14061991Chinese/Malay, Muslim, RMIT (Bbus Mgt Finance Major) Year 2, TP Business - Banking & Finance (Graduate), B.I.G, TPVC. Loves God, family, friends, photography, videography, sports, music, movies - LOTR, Transformers, European history, Japanese & Korean culture, Julia Roberts, Whoopi Goldberg, huge KPop fan, books by Jodi Picoult, Stephenie Meyer & Khaled Hossen Tagboard
Exits
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23 September 2007, 12:48 am
Vulnerable My cousin came over to paint our living room today. This time, it's off-white. Seems nice and pure and clean. But i told my family,"Soon, it'll be ruined by those stupid lizards." Roarrr, i hate them. My brother used to kill lizards the ugly way. Burn them using the lighter. Hahaha. Not that bad, they ruin our house, we ruin their lives. Since our living room is off-white this time, i told mum to add him some colours so to make the house look livelier and brighter. Our curtains are going to be red this year(the one we bought at geylang a few years back) and i suggested to rearrange the furnitures. Dad was hesitant so we didn't do it in the end. I know the white was boring but now, it looks so spacey and with the lights, it looks superb. We watched the Liverpool match(which probably broke many of our hearts) while cleaning up. Okay, so mum and dad were fixing everything and i was resting, hugging my pillow while sitting at the dining table(which was in the middle of the hall-haven't shifted it back yet). I didn't feel too good. Tummy was weird. But just when i went online(half an hour ago), mum asked me to wash my dishes(i left them there, forgetting..) and then i decided to wash all the dishes we left during dinner instead. Then i cleared some of my dad's letters. At least i did something, didn't feel any guilt :D Oh, ya, i also took my own sweet time washing the dishes cos' i found myself on the verge of tears again. This time, it's not the book(don't worry :P-even thought 45% of my tears was probably cos' of it) but i'm worried sick for my prelim results. I keep getting this feeling that all my effort will go to waste. Mum knows i studied. I really studied. And i know it myself. But i'm really afraid to face defeat right now. I don't know why i'm feeling this way. I have terrible self-esteem. Is there anyway to rectify this problem? It's not new, but it's been deteriorating lately. Especially for the past 2 years or so i would say. I'm now so vulnerable to failure. What should i do to keep my heads up? Many a times i've felt this way, and i've tried to stand up again. However, whenever i seem to find my balance, i find myself losing it again. I feel like cursing myself sometimes. I want to cry. And i think i will. God, please guide me. During this holy month, please help me through these obstacles and keep my strong. Mentally, physically and also in faith. I haven't even put my foot forward towards my aim and i'm upset with myself. I need a break. I have 4.5 hours to sleep before i wake up for dawn meal this morning. Then maybe sleep for another 3 hours and start with my work. I'm racing against time, and i'm forcing myself once more. Let's hope karma won't happen like what happened during mid year examinations. THAT was really bad. Bad bad migraine. Only 29 more days now.. Twenty nine. |
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Keep holding on,
because you'll get there eventually. |
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